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  • Writer's pictureDr. Dianne Rosena Jones, Mpsy.D.

Bounce Back Strong

Updated: Feb 23, 2020

There are many different traits people who successfully navigate the ups and downs of life possess. However, there is one trait they all have in common: resilience. Resilience is having the capacity to “recover quickly” from difficulties. Key words in this definition is “recover quickly” aka “Bounce Back.” Some believe resilience is innate, but many agree that if not innate, it can still be learned. This is a trait that each of us must possess and teach to our children.

Having the ability to bounce back is required in order to not only survive but thrive. Without resilience we are not capable of overcoming loss, disappointment, betrayal, failure, or rejection. Being able to bounce back enables us to move forward, try again, or change the game. Without it, we may not be able to release the painful emotions tied to the difficult experience. Holding on to our pain requires us to nurture it, by continuously recalling the memories and the emotions felt during the experience. This nurturing of pain can lead to situational depression, which leaves us “psychologically stuck” in the experience.

Here are some thoughts to remember which I believe will help you to “Bounce Back Strong” after any difficult experience.

Difficult experiences are NOT punishment. All there is are experiences. Experiences that we get to label and categorize. There is no positive or negative experience. We define our experiences based upon how the experience makes us feel. These experiences are not meant to destroy us, but some of our beliefs may hinder our ability to bounce back. We may believe that experiences are sent by God, the devil, the Universe, or caused by others. Some attribute them to Karma or cause and effect. Who or what is responsible for our difficulty often determines our reaction? This search for an external reason too often leads to a dismissal of our responsibility to learn from the experience, because we believe someone or something else is to blame. We must release this way of thinking and focus on what is most important.

I believe all our experiences manifest to expand our Soul’s journey.

Therefore, I dwell on only two questions:

1) What is this “Soul lesson” trying to teach me?

2) Who must I become as a result of having embraced the lesson learned from this experience?

The most difficult experiences still require only those two questions. Both questions are internal not external, but neither is “Why me?” Let me answer that question for you right now. Why you? Because no one escapes loss, disappointment, rejection, betrayal, or failure. I can honestly say for the last 15+ years, my answers to those two questions have never been something negative. Some experiences take longer than others to answer those questions, but the quicker you can, the quicker you can bounce back strong. Even when the pain seems unbearable, to become less of who were created to be will never be your Soul’s lesson.

There was a Season in my life when I rejected every painful Soul lesson and I became stuck in my pain [grief] for many years, unwilling to release the pain, which left me incapable of bouncing back. Whether I call it, self-inflicted suffering or situational depression, I held on to it, while blaming my pain on external causes, which led me to believe resistance was called for. This occurred after 7 members of my family transitioned within 7 years. From the age of 10 to 17 I remember more about funerals then anything else during that timeframe. Despite those experiences I still believe ALL experiences [Soul lessons] are meant to expand us in positive ways.

I know you are wondering how can you look at the loss of a loved one, divorce, rejection, disappointment, betrayal, or failure as something positive? You can when you look at the right thing. The experience may not be positive, but the Soul lesson always will be. Therefore, when we reject the Soul’s lesson, we are left with only the pain of the experience which hinders our ability to bounce back, and we remain stuck in our pain.

This is not a call to ignore the pain or label a painful, difficult experience as positive. We must take time to acknowledge, accept, and work through how “we feel about the experience.” It is necessary to mourn, but it’s not necessary to suffer, by remaining stuck. Remaining suck in our mourning may lead to living our entire life in mourning. Years of mourning loss, betrayal, disappointment, or rejection leads to bitterness which would never be your Soul’s lesson. Remember our experiences are not intended to define us nor overshadow our entire lives. We must learn how to embrace the lesson and release the experience in order to recover quickly.

I encourage you to embrace the Soul lesson, even when you can’t label or categorize the experience as anything other than negative, recover quickly, and move forward stronger. Remember those who succeed are the ones who bounce back strong.

Lastly, no matter how painful the experience, being resilient helps us to release regret. Regrets imply that something or someone could have been different. Regret keeps many of us stuck asking, “what if?” Certainly, if we make certain choices, we have certain consequences. However, any experience that our Soul needs will manifest, and once that is understood, we can embrace the lesson, not the experience. Embracing our Soul's lesson will compel us to tap into our spirit [intuition], which is connected to “The Spirit." This soul/spirit to Spirit connection is what empowers us and enables us to “Bounce Back Strong.”

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