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  • Writer's pictureDr. Dianne Rosena Jones, Mpsy.D.

My Biggest Fear is Dying Alone

One of my biggest regrets was that I was not physically present when my adopted mother died. Truth is I don’t know if she was alone or not. However, even to this day, when I visualize what the end of her journey was like, I see her alone. Therefore, now I assume, the guilt that I held on to for many years, led to the manifestation of my own fear of dying alone.

This fear is not about the absence of an intimate relationship. It’s not about the lack of love from friends and family. It is more of the literal sense that when my journey ends [for whatever reason] it will be like Michael Jackson, Whitney Houston, & Prince [not a drug overdose]. Similar as in the fact that they were successful, admired by strangers, and loved by those who really knew them, but in the end, they were physically alone.

I provided great tips on my recent YouTube video show about why we should acknowledge and discuss our fear, and how to stay connected with friends and loved ones, especially during this coronavirus pandemic. However, in this blog, I want to address the underline reason for the fear. Identifying the underline reason may lead to being able to release our fear.

So, I began to ask myself, “What is the fear really about?”

I came to this conclusion. My fear is about suffering. I am afraid of lingering pain, and for some reason I believe it is intensified when we are isolated and alone. There may be no evidence that this is true. But since I believe it, it is my truth. For me it goes without question, that physical pain and suffering can be lessened by the encouraging words, physical touch, acts of service, and the loving support of others. Because I have faith in this, I have determined that being alone at the time of my transition means my death would be marred by agony instead of peace. Fear causes us to resist whatever we are afraid of, and resistance fuels agony, chaos, and emotional suffering.

I want to die without suffering, but if I have to suffer, my prayer is "Dear God, allow me to die with peace."

Discovering this truth has been illuminating and has given me a starting point for releasing my fear. If you are like me and you are also afraid of dying alone, acknowledge and discuss it with your friends and loved ones. Then do the inner work required to release your fear. May your inner work lead to the release you need in order to create a gateway towards a peaceful transition for you, when your journey ends.

Sending you Love & Light for your journey!

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