The Manifestation of my Broken Heart
The onset of my chronic pain began with a broken heart, mine. By the Spring of 2015, I was in love. By the Fall, my body was overwhelmed with physical pain like I had never experienced before. Intense continuous "level 10" pain. No one area hurt less than the other. Everything ached all at the same time. My first Fibromyalgia flare lasted for 3-weeks without a single moment of relief. I was unable to walk, stand, sit, or lay down without pain. I was unable to sleep without tossing and turning all throughout the night. So, I drank lots of wine, took Tylenol PM like candy, and soaked in my bath tub daily with the water temperature set to "hot as h@ll." Three weeks of excruciating pain originating from what would later be identified as 16 pain-points. Sixteen unusual pain-points, like the bottom of my feet my buttocks and my elbows.
By November, I’d seen a Rheumatologist who diagnosed me with Fibromyalgia. I still remember how I responded when she mentioned that some people’s first onset occurred due to a traumatic experience. I completely dismissed that theory and verbally denied any recent trauma. But I was wrong, and my body was about to prove it to me.
It took me a while to acknowledge my trauma and identify what triggered my chronic pain, because I was too busy trying to prove to the man who had shattered my heart that I had “no f@cks to give.” I became "heartless". I had shut my emotions DOWN! I ignored, denied, and buried every feeling that tried to surface. I thought I had finally succeeded. I would never be called "sensitive" again! I had turned those mutha@uckers off! Well, okay, I hadn't, but allow me a moment to bask in the glory of becoming a "Heartless B@tch." I was entrenched in that façade UNTIL "my Emotions" started rioting and up and stormed my "Nervous System" like "dem folks" did the Capitol! My emotions were climbing the walls and errrrthing. My "Nervous System" tried to fight back but was no match for my emotions. My nervous system was returning fire like an 8-year old Country boy who stole his Peepaw's Shotgun to go out a shoot Squirrels [yes, the same Squirrels that dodge moving cars for fun]. Sparks were flying everywhere like Buck shots hitting everything accept the intended target.
My body started screaming, "Shots Fired"!!!!!!
My nervous system was wreaking havoc on my body because I had refused to address the myriad of emotions seeping from my heart’s brokenness. Imagine an Empath who has disconnected from her emotional connectiveness to others? Exactly. There is no such thing. Empath’s “FEEL” everything. They are intuitively connected to their own emotions and often the emotions of others. Those who are empathetic have a powerful connection to the Energy around them [on a vibrational level], but this Empath was determined to sever that connection. I did not cuss nobody out, lay hands, smash out the windows in his car, or catch a case. Despite the fact that I was holding on to a range of highly charged emotions, I couldn't even talk about. I was hurt, angry, sad, ashamed, and embarrassed while going back-and-forth between denial and disbelief. How could I have fallen head-over-heels for this man? Why didn't I see it sooner? I'm bright, intelligent, educated. For God's sake, I was working on my Doctorate at the time.
My emotions ran from A to Z while I denied myself the healthy emotional outlet necessary for an Empath to maintain balance. As a result, my emotions shifted my vibration which forced that Energy out of my mind, into my body. My emotional turmoil manifested in my physical body as "real pain" causing a Metaphysical experience [Metaphysics is the study of the relationship between mind/spirit/soul and matter/body].
Another way of putting it, is my broken heart triggered "highly charged emotions" which if properly released would have allowed my "Vibrational Energy" to remain balanced. However, because they weren't dealt with my vibrational energy became unhealthy. That low vibrational energy then flowed through the brokenness in my heart [spirit/soul] to my brain [mind]. In order to protect my mind/spirit/soul my mind dispersed that negative energy throughout my body, by way of my nervous system. Overwhelmed by that electric charge, my central nervous system recognized and translated that energy as physical pain.
Be sure to listen to the podcast below and find out all about the professional con-artist who had targeted and studied me for 5 years. A man who has scammed thousands of Investors out of millions of dollars. A man who gave me thousands in cash during our time together with the ultimate goal of getting all of it back and plus more. I call him the “Bernie Madoff” of his industry.
Then join me for my next podcast entitled “When the DAM Broke”.