When the DAM Breaks

My response to the traumatic experience created an emotional dam that eventually broke. As an empath who has always been accused of being too sensitive I had developed a means of denying myself emotional release. I would close down. I would shut down. I thought I was doing the "damn thang" cause I was "cold-as-ice." For months, I exhibited no outward emotional response, but the pain was wreaking havoc on my body. I fought to shut it down. I was afraid and unsure of what would happen if I released everything that I was feeling. I refused to cry. I said to myself often, that Negro didn't deserve my tears. I didn't understand at the time that I needed to release those tears. I was so proud of myself because I had shut that s#@! down! I hadn't cussed him out, slashed his tires, burned his clothes, or busted the windows out of his car. I had built, surrounded, and protected every emotion I had. However, when am empath locks down every emotion, the dam is sure to break. But for a quick minute I was "that b!@#&."

Only God could breakthrough all the walls I had erected. I had spent 29 years "churchin" and I still have a tremendous connections to Gospel music, especially worship music. So, I was at home minding my own business when I flipped through the TV channels while cleaning the house and landing on a channel showing old clips of Gospel singers. I heard Andre Crouch and Marvin Winans singing, "Let the Church Say Amen." The words of the song began to seep into the cracks and cervices of my emotional dam and the floodgate of emotions I had pinned up burst wide open. I began to scream. I screamed. I sobbed. I wailed and I couldn't stop it. Long after the singing had ended I could still hear the words of the song.

Let the church say Amen, Let the church say Amen God has spoken, so let the church say Amen

Let the church, let 'em say Amen If you believe the word, let the whole church say Amen God has spoken, so let the church say Amen

To what his plans are... Let the church say Amen

To what his words say... Let the church say Amen

God has spoken... GOD HAS SPOKEN god has spoken

Let the church Let the church say Amen

Make this your response... AMEN [So Be it]

I began to scream out "So be it! So be it! So be it!

That day I understood The dam I had built was the reason my that my pain was so intensified and the onset of Fibromyalgia occurred within me because "I was the trigger." I did not allow myself the grace and mercy needed during that timeframe, but the Spirit spoke to my spirit and said, "if you believe in God's plan, in God's word, then say, so be it, and let it go. Letting it go did not cure my Fibromyalgia because there is no cure. Once the onset occurs, then the only way to reduce the length of Fibromyalgia flares is by managing the triggers. I knew that my number one trigger was: ME. I released all of my pinned up emotions which brought my "level 10" Fibromyalgia flares to subsided. My chronic pain was not gone, but it's now more manageable.